“This degree’s for you, Dad”

Stephanie finds peace

Stephanie Barber came to Avondale to get an education but leaves with so much more. The experience has “changed my life, my children’s lives, our whole perspective. Looking back at the person I was when I first enrolled, I’m now totally different.” Her story is best told in her own words. It begins with her father, to whom she dedicates her counselling degree.

“I’m the youngest of four. My parents and siblings are all high achievers and I felt I didn’t measure up. I dropped out of school. I spent a lot of time as a single, stay-at-home mum. And I cleaned houses to top up my welfare payments. It was just a struggle. So, I thought, I want to show Dad I can do this, too. I wanted him to see me get that degree—I got a prize for excellence as well. But Dad passed away in February, so he never got to see me graduate. He tried to hold on but couldn’t. I wrote him a letter. “Can you still come to my graduation?” And I wrote, “Please.” I put it in his pocket at the viewing. I took a framed picture of him to the ceremony in April, and he sat in the audience with Mum and the girls.

“I planned to study at another university—I didn’t have high hopes. The girls and I lived in a rental and the owners wanted the house back. The only house available was further away, in Morisset. I couldn’t work out how I’d get to classes with two children at school and one at home. Then I realised, Avondale’s right there.

“The staff spoke to me with courtesy and respect—I wasn’t used to that. I wanted to study counselling because I’d been through a lot of stuff. Then I met Paul [course convenor Paul Bogacs]. From feeling like I was nothing to having my lecturer tell me I’m a super mum was such a contrast. It inspired me. One of my clients is a young mum who’s just come off a heavy drug addiction. She said, “You tell what’s good about me.” That’s what Paul did. By highlighting my strengths and capabilities, he helped turn my life around.

“I started to read The Passion Translation because I didn’t think I’d understand the Bible. I finished reading the whole New Testament. My second eldest child Rikki and I were baptised, two years into my course. My youngest, Hollie, was baptised last year. I’m now reading a chapter of The Desire of Ages each day.

“I see five clients a day and have a month-long waiting list. I look at them through the eyes of Jesus, as human beings capable of transformation. One was an ex-police officer. He was very hard and bitter and very sceptical. We only had eight sessions and in the end I couldn’t stop him from talking about the Bible. I said, “Look at you. Remember your first session?” And he said, “Yes, I know, I was full of hatred.” He found peace. That’s what we all want.

“The horrible things we sometimes say and do are just covering pain. The key to understanding each other, no matter how we come across, is recognising we’re doing the best we can. If we’re non-judgemental and accepting, others will respond.”