by Sarah-Jo Huber
1. You ask your friends ‘Is my hair ok? Is my hair ok?’ ten times in the space of five minutes.
2. When ‘he’ walks past, you heart leaps and pounds in your chest; when they sit next to you lose your breath (and quite possibly your voice) – one can only imagine if ‘he’ kissed you, you would certainly faint or pass out!
3. While trying to do research for your next essay, you trawl his Facebook page for the 3rd time that week, somehow convincing yourself that checking his Facebook page counts as “important anthropological research into the habits and customs of a highly specialised and evolved alpha male in the modern age.”
4. You’ve considered attending one of those church dinners where everyone holds hands when they say grace, just as an excuse to hold his hand.
5. Applying lipgloss/lipbalm becomes an obsessive ritual –you know, just in case… and is surpassed only by the amount of times you ask ‘Is my hair ok?’ (re. 1)
6. Getting a message on your phone from him feels like the equivalent of winning the lottery. Your friends ask who it’s from and you reply ‘Oh, no one…’ while sporting a huge cheesy smile big enough to swallow the Grand Canyon or Ayers Rock.
7. Your three-times-a-day teeth brushing schedule suddenly skyrockets to a hectic six or seven-times-a-day – you know, just in case… Playing in the background is Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus, The Veronicas or some other similar extremely “poppy” pop singer filling the air with her songs of love, hope and eternal sunshine/magical moonlight. You sing along loudly and proudly.
8. While waiting in line at the caf you see him at the very back of the line. You suddenly “forget” you left you music books at the piano and realise they’re locking the room in 5 minutes so you hurry outside asking ‘Is my hair ok?’ on the way out and slide into the line next to him. If the subject of the missing music books comes up, ‘er… well the door was locked already’.
9. While waiting in the line at the caf (for dinner this time) you see him in front of you. You “accidentally” bump into him with your tray, then apologise profusely while grabbing the arm that you strategically slammed into and feeling that muscle tone…
10. He asks to borrow a pen. You tell him you love handwritten letters! And then procede to give him your mailbox number/address.
Five additional signs that you have really, really bad crush:
1. You fake drowning, right in front of him. You hold your breath long enough so that he has to perform mouth-to-mouth.
2. When he’s walking past on his way to class you perform the bend-n-snap, Legally Blonde style.
3. As an excuse to get to talk to him for longer, you’ve started to talk reallllly slowwwwly. And softly, so you have to repeat things and yes, hopefully get to talk to him for longer.
4. You get so caught up in the lecture that you don’t take notes and have to borrow his. Actually, you get so caught up in staring at him that you practically miss the entire lecture, and really hope he takes good notes!
5. You have an emergency in the middle of the night, and have to call him for assistance. The actual emergency is that you can’t stand being separated from his irresistible self any longer. The official story is that there was a snake… Right there…