Brain guru on how sex stunts emotional growth

Bianca Reynaud
Public relations assistant
Avondale College of Higher Education
Cooranbong, New South Wales, Australia

Lovers beware! Romantic interest releases a “chemical tsunami” that sweeps away clarity of mind and brings a craving for touch, which if leads to sex stunts emotional growth. This is one of the key points brain guru Dr Arlene Taylor made in a series of lectures on gender differences at Avondale College of Higher Education this past week (April 30-May 1).

Advice to new couples

It should come as no surprise that Arlene believes sexual activity is best left to those in committed, long-term relationships. “I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you that every time you have sex, you create cellular memory,” says Arlene, the founder and president of Realizations Inc, a non-profit corporation that engages in brain-function research and provides related educational resources. That cellular memory makes it difficult to be monogamous. “Here’s the problem: the minute you engage in sexual activity, the hit to the brain from the orgasm is so powerful you basically stop growing with each other emotionally. You only want that hit.”

Romantic interest between two people triggers the release of phenylethylamine, which turns the brain into a “PEA brain”—it can sweep away all clarity of mind. The chemical compound lasts six to 48 months and triggers the release of the hormone-like substance dopamine. Dopamine is associated with mate selection. It triggers the release of a third chemical, the hormone oxytocin, which makes people crave touch. Even if this “chemical tsunami” does not lead to sex, the brain’s addiction to phenylethylamine can lead couples to break up—once the compound subsides, they no longer feel “in love.”

Despite warning about the dangers of the “PEA brain,” “I do believe in dating lots of people,” says Arlene. Based on her experience, particularly in clinical pastoral counselling and in human services, Arlene advises new couples to “experience a lot of different environments with each other. And get to know the other person’s family because—trust me—you marry the family. Your partner carries three generations of cellular memory and that’s going to make a huge difference.”

Advice to married couples

And married couples? Arlene advises them to “learn how to become better lovers.” Sex, she says, is not just for procreation but to “bring a couple closer.” The adage is mostly true, too—practice makes perfect. “People think that just because they have adult sexual equipment, they automatically know how to make love. Come on! You need to learn and you need to practice.”

Arlene finds brain function research supports the Bible’s principles on marriage. “I believe that biblically, if you’re committed to marrying, then sexual activity helps you build on your commitment rather than stunting emotional growth.”