Rethinking feedback

It’s about how you receive not deliver it that’s important

The skill of giving and receiving feedback is personally and professionally valuable. While there is an abundance of discussion and professional development on the art of delivering feedback, receiving feedback receives comparatively little attention. Perhaps this is because most discussion about feedback focuses on the quality of the delivery rather than the skill with which it is received.

A few common principles underpin discussion about delivering feedback:

• Understand the personality of the recipient and tailor your approach accordingly;
• Stick to observable behaviours and avoid generalisations such as “you always” or “you never”;
• Avoid making it personal;
• Include a plan for how you can improve things next time, and;
• Use of the “feedback sandwich,” which delivers feedback in the form of good news, bad news, good news.

An article by organizational psychologist Adam Grant changed my view on the feedback sandwich. He argues it may leave a person so focused on the good news portions they don’t absorb the constructive criticism in the middle. So, he suggests a more transparent dialogue instead of a formatted one.

Adam interviewed Mellody Hobson, president and co-Chief Executive Officer of Ariel Investments, on his Taken for Granted podcast. I highly recommend listening to it or reading the transcript because it explored the perspective that responsibility lies with the person receiving not delivering feedback. Mellody suggested it’s important to receive feedback in any way a person gives it to you, that it doesn’t have to be “packaged” to be received. She notes feedback is a gift not a right and that, in essence, if you’re requiring feedback to be couched in the right terms, you won’t get the authentic truth.

As someone who personally takes things to heart and professionally promotes the responsible delivery of feedback, I’ve been thinking about this alternative perspective ever since. It does make sense that the way in which we receive feedback would either encourage or discourage another person from providing feedback again. I also agree I’d rather know I’m receiving a person’s authentic feedback rather than a version they’ve packaged for me.

While it’s unrealistic to expect people will never get upset when receiving feedback (this may be part of the process in some cases), I do believe we need to focus more on the skill of receiving feedback. Here, resilience is key. Fortunately, the resilience muscle builds with each use and over time we can learn to take the grains of well-intended truth in most forms of feedback.

---

Photograph
Photograph by rawpixel.com from www.freepik.com.